It doesn’t help to hear the frightening statistics on how many women suffer miscarriages. They’re just statistics, not representative of your experience.
With the accuracy and sensitivity of pregancy tests these days, women are able to find out they are pregant very soon after conception. Pretty much straight away, your body starts to feel different, you make changes to your lifestyle to accommodate the growing life inside. Emotionally, you’re invested, making plans for the future, imagining what he/she might look like, marvelling at the wonder of nature.
And then the unthinkable happens. People might assume that because it was early on, it’s not so bad. They might tell you not to worry, just try again, it happens all the time. Or, you may not have told anyone and so you’re grieving alone, perhaps trying to put on a brave face.
It might have happened to you before and the sadness is overwhelming and you feel hopeless, cheated that it’s you again. Maybe you have a friend who is pregnant and you find it difficult to be around them and that makes you feel worse. You’ve been through so much in less than a couple of months and you’re back to square one.
Later miscarriage and stillbirth is less common but of course, devastating. You’ll perhaps be trying to manage the feelings of loss and disappointment of those around you, maybe siblings, parents or your partner. It may be difficult to even get out of bed. You may have to return to work following the loss and face people who wished you well at your baby shower. When is it OK to go back? There is no right answer for dealing with any kind of grief (please see my article on grief).
How do you plan for the future? Will you try again? This depends on your individual circumstances and whether any cause of the miscarriage or stillbirth influences this decision. I’m here to listen to you talk through your options and find a way to get through this painful time emotionally.